Fear OF Failure

Fear of failure (Atychiphobia)

Fear of failure is very common and it is all too common to ignore it. Some people are not aware that their ambitions are stifled by this fear and may put it down to being not smart enough or strong enough, confident enough or just plain laziness.

Words are very powerful and the word failure conjures up all kinds of images and these are usually negative. Most of us were taught that success is the only option in school. Perhaps this is good place to being because often our teachers and parents pushed us to achieve and be successful perhaps so we could have what the didn’t.

Teachers and parents have the best of intentions for us but they are only human and the schooling system is exactly that, a system, a human system and is highly flawed.

The flaw is my opinion is that the system is generalised and does not allow for the varying paces of the individual due to time constraints, limited numbers of teachers and financials constraints.

The one shoe fits all approach is great for the average range of pupil but does not suit everyone. Some of us are slow learners and yet succeed far beyond any parents or teachers expectations. Every flower in the garden does not bloom at the same time. If you are a late bloomer and have been worried about being behind your peers, you may develop a fear of failure.

What this may translate into as an adult is a lack of drive, avoiding opportunities, not being prepared to take on a challenge.

We were all told to be successful at home or in school but if you are like me, you were probably never told what success is.

Success might be a good job that pays well, fortune, fame.

My definition of success is balance, for what use is wealth if you do not attend to your loved ones.

Balance means both failure and success.

Nothing would ever have been achieved without continuous failure until someone got it right. But that end point of success took umpteen failures to create one success. So when you look at someone or something that represents success to you, have no doubt that they had to fail and learn to become successful.

It is not failure that you need to fear, perhaps its learning from your failure that needs your attention.

So what is wrong with failing, absolutely nothing and there is nothing absolute in failing anyway.

Let say you open a furniture shop selling sofas, kitchen furniture etc. One month later you realise you are not making anything so you close the doors for good. Have you failed? Some would immediately say yes because you are not in profit and you have closed. Only someone who has never been self employed or taken a risk will look at it that way.
The success is in the fact that you took a risk, you learned because you lost some money on the rental and purchasing and you identified that you needed to close up shop. The next time you have a bright idea to open a shop you will do your research, find a product that will sell, identify your specific market, etc etc. Remember failure to plan is planning to fail. The greatest entrepreneurs in the world start by this so called failing. Imagine if they gave up at the first obstacle, we would all be back in the stone age.

Or imagine someone who was very lucky and seemed to be successful very early in life, a nice house, a nice car etc but life isn’t perfect and eventually it throws a few obstacles our way. This person might fall fastest. Without the knowledge learned by failing this person may not identify the problem until its too late and may not have the learned life skills to deal with a problem.

The roots of this fear often lies with someone who either encouraged you or pushed you perhaps beyond your ability at the time or maybe it was a sibling putting you down or an overly critical employer. From what ever reason a fear of failing was established in your mind and this is preventing you from broadening your horizons and settling for less than you deserve.

Just one thing about people telling you about your capabilities, they are often wrong. The only way to know is to do. Most people, who do, succeed, eventually. Give yourself the room to begin again. It’s only too late if you never do it.

Ask yourself this, to whom are you failing. Most people if they are being truthful will say to family or friends. There is always some busy body who will say I told you so but you know, who cares what they say. People like that find fault with everyone except themselves.

So don’t worry about failing, it all part of the learning curve. You cannot truly succeed without failing so at least if you fail that’s half the battle won.

The next time you have a great idea and the habit of fear of failure enters your mind ask yourself this, what is the worst that could happen, then what can happen after that and what can happen if that happens and so on. This technique is called progressive collapse. You will realise that you have nothing to fear but the control and restrain that the fear itself has upon you.

Let your inner dreams and expectations define you.

If you feel that fear of failure or fear of success is holding you back, give me a call:
Jason on 083 3488973 or 0035383 3488974

Open Circle Hypnotherapy & Psychotherapy is in Waterford city Ireland

info@opencircle.ie

www.opencircle.ie